3: floriography, natural wine, SuperShe island, hindu vigilantes, raja'a khalid
I don’t know what this new immigration ban means, whether I’ll be allowed to re-enter if I leave. I need to enter the UAE in July to keep that visa valid, but my dad is high-risk and my mother doesn’t think it will be safe to enter until a vaccination exists, which might be next year. My US visa expires in January. I’ve always been a worrier, but this week has been one of unfocused, debilitating panic which is something new for me. In between—and maybe in contrast—when I can get anything done I feel wonderfully precise, as if I’m carving a rose into a melon.
Not far from the first flat we lived in in Dubai was a small Satwa villa that had regularly had a dappled grey Arab horse tied up in the sand outside it, as if waiting for its owner to finish breakfasting and yeehaw off into the foggy mornings. Riding the minibus to my primary school in Sharjah, I would strain out the windows, hoping to catch sight of it but often only saw chickens. Only much later did I realise that it was probably terribly cruel. It’s such an overarticulated, sharpen image effect-type memory that I sometimes wonder if it was real. I have no idea where this balcony horse is from either, but I do recommend limiting your giant baby viewing to this cow in a field of flowers.
Thus far, I’ve been asking friends to do these diaries, but do let me know if you’d be interested, especially if you live outside the US! Ditto any suggestions for things to read or (newly) events/streams. And, since my My People seem to have refrained from creating spiky boi helmets or cars this week, here’s some Pakistani doctors dancing to cheer up their patients.
spiky boi
The bittersweet symphony of Snoopy. The dangerous history of immunoprivilege. Balcony raves are the latest viral challenge from Russia. Around the world in pandemic street art. Coronavirus fears terrify and impoverish migrants in the Persian Gulf. Loneliness is other people. Coronavirus conspiracy theories target Muslims in India. Myanmar military steps up attacks as virus spreads. Pandemic or poison? How epidemics shaped South Asia’s legal history. Why the new coronavirus affects some animals but not others.
glouglou
One wine, two wine, red wine, blue wine. Expanding your smell vocabulary via wine tasting.There’s psychology behind the foods we don’t buy during a crisis. Top notes of poo. Tech startups want to reinvent the bulk aisle—grocery’s most glorious, affordable, unwieldy section. The allure and anxiety of drinking alone during quarantine. The blessed drink of a Georgian village. A winelike sea. The sake master reviving a long-forgotten local rice. Papal indulgences. “I hired a private chef during the coronavirus pandemic.” A sharpener of knives. Enjoy by, a new newsletter dedicated to pantry items and what to do with them.
florals for spring
A short history of floriography. Where have all the flowers gone? The secrets behind your flowers. Fragrant harvest: the flowers behind Chanel no 5. Flowers from Alaska. Amid lockdowns, Peshawar’s flowering hamlets are wastelands of dying blooms. The Netherlands flower sector wilts. Welcome to SuperShe Island, where men are banned and flowers are dinner. The plants that make refugee camps feel more like home. The bloodthirsty truth of the orchird mantis. How Thai fruit carving went from royal craft to internet sensation. Prairie Ecologist’s quarantine quizzes.
☞\( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞ yeehaw
The lawyer whose clients didn’t exist. Competitive oyster shucking is real, decadent, and China’s best party. Why do we even listen to new music? The Hate Store: Amazon’s self-publishing arm is a haven for white supremacists. Bulgarian Habibi: how orientalist stereotypes in chalga music recover memories of the Balkans’ Ottoman past. A missionary on trial. The rise of the Hindu vigilante in the age of WhatsApp and Modi. Amazon-owned Whole Foods is quietly tracking its employees with a heat map tool that ranks which stores are most at risk of unionising. The tyranny of terrazzo: will the millennial aesthetic ever end?
this week
Home Cooking is a new open source digest of artist projects, performances and interviews, much of it on googledoc, Zoom, or Instagram live. This week, I’m looking forward to guided crying practices, an interview with Nancy Spector on art production and the museum at moments of crisis, and “a morning walk with the dew, birds, flowers, cockerels and wild fennel of the surrounds of Tizi Ouzuo, Algeria.” Artists Space’s Segue reading series. Bookforum has put together a great list of literary resources.
quarantine culture diary: raja’a khalid
I flew back to Dubai from Maastricht on the 18th of March. Back then I hadn’t anticipated a 24-hour lockdown in Dubai. In my head, I thought I’ll spend some time with my folks, hang with my sister, play with Sheikha my cat and just hit the beach or something and chill for two, maybe three weeks and then head back to Maastricht. Ha!
Two days after I arrived in Dubai, the airports in both Abu Dhabi and Dubai stopped flights altogether. Then they closed the parks and beaches. Not only was I stuck in Dubai, but I was stuck in my room for an uncertain amount of time. There were many tears on my side.
One of the first things I did when I got to Dubai was to ask my dad to go buy me a pair of 9lb and 12lb dumbbells. If I had to stay in my room for an indefinite amount of time, I was going to do it like Robert de Niro in the opening sequence of Cape Fear. Take my anxiety and turn it into anger (it turned into mushy sadness instead). Anyhow, I believe in having a solid morning routine. By solid, I mean it is unmovable, made of stone, heavy as hell, like an Easter Island head. It can’t be shaken by a hangover, headache, period or pandemic.
sunday
0730 Read Anna’s reply to my request for a Zoom sesh. She asked if we could chat on Wednesday. Four days to me right now is like four weeks. How are you so busy babe? I said ‘cool, yay!’ but inside I wished we were talking sooner. Made a Mr Krabs dizzy world meme to help me deal with my feelings.
0800 Morning routine: Nescafe ultra fine instant coffee with Alpro unsweetened Oat Milk, with two Marie tea biscuits while I scan Hypebeast, followed by one of two HIIT workouts**
1200 Zoomed with Aqua, she’s in Crete and looks very happy, very Greek, she’ll always be beautiful. She rolled and smoked what looked like ten cigarettes in the course of an hour and I told her that I think we are supremely fucked. I know Zoom isn’t encrypted but I complained and complained, and afterwards I felt anxious.
1700 Called the online store that was supposed to deliver my Camo Herschel backpack two weeks ago and no one answered. I concluded that since it’s jungle law now anyways, I may never see that backpack or my 70 dollars ever again. Camo because I wanted to be ready for the apocalypse. I also put a red Baby G with a black and gold face in the shopping cart but I feel on the fence about that one.
2100 I read my 16Personalities.com profile in detail in bed which later turned out to be a bad idea. I’m a Turbulent Advocate and under the relationship tab it said that I seek the authentic in relationships, which I consider is a kinder way of saying perhaps that unless I chill the fuck out, I’ll always be alone. While reading it I took a vow to make it my number one priority to find my wife, the love of my life, my eternal partner in crime as soon as all this shit blows over. I don’t want to be alone anymore.
2330 Pornhub, search term: cheerleader. There’s a banner on top announcing that Pornhub Premium is now free. It has animated toilet paper rolls with the words “you’re gonna need it.”
Listened to: my own funk is life playlist including Eddy Grant, Anita Bell, Chic, Sister Sledge among others. Overall mood rating: meh. Sleep quality: terrible
monday
0830 Morning routine.
0930 Ahmad messaged to say it is the Songkran water festival in Thailand and that while officials had canceled the celebration, it had been raining all day and that khalas, his faith in god had been restored.
0935 I emailed my former boss to ask if the gift certificate for a free flight ticket that she gave me last year was still valid. I only emailed because I didn’t think there was anything undignified about asking for my gift certificate.
1700 Started reading JG Ballard’s The Drowned World, that kept making me think about everything we’re experiencing right now. Also, he used the word supple three times on the same frickin’ page to describe his female protagonist Beatrice and it kind of pissed me off.
2000 Paced for thirty minutes on our L-shaped balcony.
2230 Amazon.ae emailed to say that my purchase of two corrugated cardboard boxes had been cancelled and that I’m receiving a refund.
Listened to: Started Spotify with Valee’s Womp Womp and let it go its own way. Overall mood rating: sad, frustrated. Sleep quality: had a few crazy dreams, restless
tuesday
0830 Woke up to Sugarmat newsletter, advising on how to curate a conducive sanctuary for your yoga practice at home. The words conducive and sanctuary look strange next to each other.
0930 Morning routine.
1040 Kinokunya emailed to say that the copy of The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao I wanted to give Anna as part of her birthday present was finally on its way. Yippee! Although, now I don’t even know if I want her to have it.
1200 Still no sign of Herschel Camo backpack. No one replied to my email, so I called the store. There was no answer.
1240 Kent emailed to ask if I’m ever coming back, I reply I don’t know but I’m trying… and also that I feel incredibly lonely.
1340 Etihad emailed to say that my flight back to Amsterdam on the 24th was cancelled. I had a mini heart attack and broke down in front of my family, sobbing. I am never leaving, am I? I asked them. They shrugged their shoulders and told me everything would be fine. I felt bourgeois guilt and the guilt felt rusty, the kind you would get tetanus from.
1400 My mom told me that a beloved aunt passed away in Karachi. I sat next to her and held her hand, and realized only later that it was the first time I had touched her since my arrival. We talked about the incredible hamburgers my aunt used to make for breakfast when we’d stay over. The secret was the spicy ketchup and the White American Kraft Cheese Single.
1430 Booked another ticket on a special repatriation flight scheduled for the 18th of April. It’s supposed to return stranded European citizens back to their countries before they close the airports again. It’s my last ditch attempt at getting out of Dubai. Now or never. Sigh.
1800 Balcony pacing.
1900 Had a cup of tea with my sister on the balcony. She’s so grounded that I wonder how on earth are we related.
Listened to: Miles Davis, Coltrane, Cochin Moon. Overall mood rating: confused, emotionally wrecked. Sleep quality: the worst
wednesday
0915 Emailed Anna with a nonchalant tone (Ola!) that I’m free to chat pretty much all day
0930 Morning routine.
1045 Anna replied to say, how about we Zoom in an hour. She got the time zone conversion wrong (even though I calculated the correct time for both of us) but I know what she meant.
1100 Zoomed with Anna. I didn’t tell her that I thought four days was way too long to make someone wait to Zoom. Also, didn’t tell her that I might be flying back on the 18th because, frankly, I don’t believe it myself. I don’t believe anything anymore. I was awkward, mostly because I was crushing and feeling depressed at the same time, so not very charming overall.
2300 World Global Style Network sent their latest newsletter with four sample trend reports. It’s all Covid related of course. Coronavirus: Global Change Accelerators,Coronavirus: Brand Strategies, Coronavirus: Remote Workout Design Impacts and Millennial Marketing: Self-Care and Wellness. The Global Change Accelerator this time round is responding to ‘anxiety and fear’.
“As examined in 2017, anxiety has become a key cultural and generational concern, with fear now becoming the emergent emotional state, forecast as one of our Future Drivers for 2022 and in our Future Consumer 2022. Current events are accelerating this mindset shift, with consumer fear—and the responses to it—colouring actions both during and after the current coronavirus pandemic.”
Uh, yep.
2310 Got into bed, and Sheikha joined me. We watched Part 3 of Esther Perel’s Love, Loss, Loneliness (and a Pinch of Humor!) Under Lockdown webinar series. This one is on How to Live with Prolonged Uncertainty and Anticipatory Grief. I love Esther so much. This one kind of made me cry. I think she was in an emotional place today. Went to sleep wondering if anyone would ever hold me in bed again.
Listened to: The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill Overall mood rating: emotional. Sleep quality: woke up at least five times.
thursday
0815 Morning routine. Hypebeast has a bit on Angel Tamagotchis. I went straight to Amazon and added an updated classic to my shopping cart.
0830 I took the Tamagotchi out from the shopping cart after I realized that getting a Tamagotchi would mean fundamentally being dedicated to helping it find a partner, then supporting the two of them to have children and taking care of said children so that they can flourish, thrive and someday even have children of their own. I realized that pulling off even one of those goals successfully for an electronic pet is a minor tragedy wrapped in a bigger crisis of being, albeit a contemporary bourgeois one, so I called off the whole idea. I would only fuck it up and really should focus on myself right now.
1040 Kent emailed with link to his friend’s radio station.
1210 My sister sent a news piece on WhatsApp saying that citizens and residents in the UAE are encouraged to sing the national anthem on Wednesdays and Fridays at 9pm on their balconies as part of a Happiness initiative. I decided then that I needed to leave as soon as humanly possible.
1330 Natasha emailed to ask if I’m coming back and I’m like yeah, I’m trying…
1410 Kent emailed again to say that if I preferred something more Malayan, I should listen to this Rasa Sayang Radio. He doesn’t know but I’m a sucker for nonwestern jazz
1430 Packed my suitcase. I don’t even know if the flight I booked for the 18th exists, but I packed anyway. I’m prepared for every possible eventuality but I just want to leave mostly because this city has changed and I don’t know if I’m the right person for it.
1800 Balcony tea time with my sister. She says she’s sad and actually scared for the first time and it has nothing to do with the virus.
2000 Lush Oatifix face mask for ten minutes followed by Lush Me Time face mask.
Listened to: Ella Fitzgerald, Rasa Sayang Radio. Overall mood rating: anxious.Sleep quality: awful
friday
0800 Morning routine .
1200 Finished the last bit of packing. Sheikha kept jumping into the suitcase.
1300 Mona messaged our WhatsApp group and says that Franziska and her friends got a house outside of Berlin in a beautiful forest somewhere and are staying there until things calm down. She thinks we’re doing Corona all wrong and I told her that I was trying my hardest to make it right.
1800 I heard my mom crying in her room. She really wants me to stay but also knows that I can’t.
1900 Balcony tea sesh with sister, I told her I was sorry for leaving her, she said it was fine.
1930 Glamglow face mask
2100 Played twenty questions with my parents, I did Bobby Jindal and my mom said she’d never heard of him. My sister did Rupert Murdoch.
Listened to: Rasa Sayang Radio. Overall mood rating: soo nervous. Sleep quality: had a dream that I was making out with this guy I met briefly in March who I’m not attracted to at all.
saturday
0700 Morning routine. No Spotify, listened to rain sounds instead.
0900 Ate breakfast as my parents watched me nervously. They kept saying that I should be careful. I told them I was always very careful and if I was anymore careful I’d be dead. I kind of hug them goodbye.
1000 Uber to Abu Dhabi Airport
1130 Arrived at Abu Dhabi Airport
1145 Checked in woooohoooo.
1145 - 1330 Waited at my gate. The airport was empty, our flight to Amsterdam was one of the only flights. The duty free was completely covered in cling wrap. Literally.
1330 Boarded the plane along with around twenty other people. I’m one of two people in my cabin. It felt very, very bizarre and filled my heart with an indescribable mixed form of sadness and confusion.
1430 I thanked the fucking lord as we took off. Watched The Lego Movie 2 and The Lego Batman Movie. The former had an extended post apocalyptic desert sequence and I couldn’t help but think about what I had left behind.
1930 Arrived at Schipol, I was one of three people that actually disembarked at the airport, everyone else from my flight flew to other cities. It’s all science fiction really.
Listened to: Rain Sounds: 9 Hour Long Raining “Sleep Sounds” Overall mood rating: bewildered but finally at ease. Sleep quality: too exhausted to sleep
featured creature: saharan silver ant
Not only are Saharan Silver Ants beautiful, they’re the fastest ant too despite apparently being the Daschunds of the ant world. Think Atom Ant, but so very silken:
